Anxiety

Seriously, people don’t have a fucking clue about a person with anxiety disorder. It is not just anxiety, it is a feeling of despair, of claustrophobic walls closing on you.

It is like you eating yourself away in and being barely functional because you can’t control the doubt. You can’t calm down, you don’t know how to do it, you know you just can’t.

You know that if you don’t get some answer, you will explode, waiting is impossible, it is an herculean effort. You can’t do anything else except think about it, play all possible scenarios in your head.

This is not about waiting on your Amazon order to be delivered, everything is a pain to wait for. I think that it must have something to do with feeling powerless, and the fear of depending on others. Facts you can’t control can literally freeze you up in your bed.

You get barely functional, and it makes you more anxious because you can’t function. It is a nightmare of recursion. You just want to stay in bed for days and sleeping so you don’t need to deal with it. Because you don’t know how to deal with it.

And please, don’t say it is going to be OK, because even if it is going to be OK that doesn’t mean shit in the moment. Because for people with General Anxiety Disorder what matters is the NOW, not the near future.

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